If You Go Away
by Nea-writes
Summary: Kanda spent most of his days bored at the park, but when new kid Allen Walker catches his eye, he realizes there's more to life than avoiding over-protective dads and annoying friends - and that, maybe, they weren't the worst kind of problems to have. Not by a long-shot.


Inspired by the prompt: The hot boy in the park finally looked at me. I'm gonna FIGHT him.

* * *

 _If you go away_

 _Chapter 1_

* * *

Kanda hated going straight home after school. Tiedoll was disgustingly domestic and always insisted he have a snack afterwards, as if he were still eight years old. It also meant he had to spend more time with Daisya than strictly necessary, and Marie wasn't around because he had long since graduated and moved on into the workforce.

Long story short, Kanda hated being home.

So, what else did a high school kid have to do but kick a can around the nearby park and hope none of his friends came to harass him? He was often out of luck, and soon enough Lavi and Lenalee discovered where he often ran off to.

The park was pretty central in the town they lived in, and nearby was a strip of stores Lenalee often dragged them to for snacks and drinks while they killed time. Soon, the semester moved on, and while Lenalee and Lavi joined clubs - track and archery, respectively - Kanda refused to.

Suddenly he was alone at the park again, which would've been fine except all the shopkeepers were giving him pitying looks now and Kanda couldn't have that.

And he wasn't even entirely alone.

Another kid was there, now.

Kanda had ignored him at first, taking him for another one of the old men who liked to sit at the park benches and feed the pigeons. Kanda wasn't entirely sure what changed this perception, but at some point Kanda realized it wasn't an old man but a _young_ man. Younger than Kanda, even.

It was verging on autumn, then, and getting way too cold to be kicking it around at a park, but Kanda was nothing if not stubborn, and he just piled on the layers. Marie said it had something to do with poor blood circulation - he just got cold easily and stayed cold.

However, it wasn't really that cold, and the sun grew hot come afternoon. It was on one of these days when Kanda discovered the old man was, in fact, _not_ an old man.

Kanda had been minding his business, sitting on his own bench across the way, when the man began to shuffle around and stand up. Curious, Kanda glanced up in time to see the heavy jacket and muffler come off, revealing a very slim body wearing a maroon turtle neck that clung way too much to belong to an old man.

Kanda realized he was staring only when the man-turned-boy looked up and met his eyes. Horrified, Kanda scowled and looked down at his knees, crossing his legs. He was just surprised, that's all.

Still though, afterwards Kanda could not avoid seeing him. Knowing there was a kid his age with white hair was mildly disturbing - it warranted some staring, Kanda thought, feeling justified whenever he locked eyes with the kid.

 _I,_ Kanda thought firmly, _don't give a fuck._ Who _cared_ if the kid wanted to be weird as shit and dye his hair white, who _cared_ if he had a weird ass tattoo? Kanda sure as hell didn't.

To show how many fucks he didn't give, he pulled out the carton of cigarettes he normally kept stashed in his bag. He had dropped the habit while Lenalee had been around because she could nag till kingdom come, and had since forgotten he even kept them.

He actually detested the habit most of the time, and most of the trouble that came with it - Lenalee's nagging, Lavi's off-hand comments, Tiedoll's bemoaning - weren't worth the momentary relief it gave him. And getting a new pack was always a hassle he just didn't care for, but sometimes, like now, they came in handy.

As he flicked his lighter and pulled in deeply, he remembered one of Lavi's comments.

 _Smoking actually reduces color in extremities, so your fingertips start looking paler._ He had gone on to explain why but Kanda had conveniently began ignoring him afterwards.

He exhaled sharply, his own warm breath fogging and intermingling with the smoke. It served to relax him. The tension bled from his shoulders and he leaned back against the bench, his head resting backwards and one arm stretching out along the back. He only got in a few more drags before suddenly and without warning it was violently snatched from his hands.

He reared up, hand lashing out already. "What the _fuck!"_

It was the boy, the weird one. He danced out of reach, dropping the stub and digging his toe into it. "You shouldn't smoke."

"Oh, for fuck's sake!" Kanda snapped, shooting up from his seat and stepping forward. "What the _hell_ is your problem?"

The boy frowned, looking so goddamn strange in his maroon turtleneck and white gloves. "Kids come here, you shouldn't smoke around them."

Oh my God, Kanda thought. He looked around, squinting in the afternoon light. There, probably a good thirty feet away, were some kids playing on the swings. Seriously. Seriously? "Mind your own damn business!"

"You shouldn't smoke anyways, you're, what, fifteen? God, that's terrible for your development."

 _Holy shit,_ Kanda thought, any and all attractiveness the kid _might_ have possessed disappearing. "One, I'm seventeen. Two, it's _none of your damn business."_

"Seventeen?" The kid slowly looked him up and down, head to toe and back up, and Kanda repressed a shiver by glaring. "Uh huh."

"Kid, I'm going to beat the shit out of you."

"Kid?" He cried, scandalized and voice notching several octaves higher. "I'm _fifteen."_

Kanda snorted, looking away. "Only kids say they aren't kids."

"You're an ass," he said, scowling. "I shouldn't have bothered."

"No," Kanda agreed. "You really shouldn't have. Now why don't you walk on over there," he pointed to the children on the swings, "and play with your friends."

With a sniff he left, and Kanda sat back onto the bench, disgruntled. Fuck him and his maroon shirt. Kanda didn't need his shit. He glanced at the carton in his bag's side pocket, considering. Carefully watching the teen, who had stalked back to his own bench across the way, Kanda slipped a cigarette free and lit it up.

Angry gray eyes bored into his.

 _Fuck you._

* * *

It was a Friday, and because it was their homecoming game both Lenalee and Lavi were free. In the hours between school ending and the game beginning they decided to hang out in the park with Kanda, who accepted their presence grudgingly. When Lenalee left to buy them some hot drinks, Lavi turned curiously towards Kanda.

"So, what's up?" Lavi asked, sitting sideways on the bench. Kanda judged the time Lenalee would take as long enough to have a smoke, and so tapped one from the carton.

He took his time lighting it, before gracing Lavi with a side-eye. "What are you asking?"

Lavi took his beanie off to ruffle his red hair before replacing it. "You've been smoking more often - that gives you wrinkles by the way - so what's bothering you?"

Kanda glanced across the slowly browning grass to meet gray eyes, and exhaled, the smoke obscuring his vision. "Nothing."

But Lavi had noticed. He turned obviously in the kid's direction, staring unashamedly. He laughed. "Aww, Yuu, you made friends?"

He shoved Lavi off the bench but the redhead went laughing. "Shit, are you doing this to impress the kid?" Lavi asked, giggling.

 _"No,"_ Kanda said, glaring for all he was worth.

"Oh my God, Lenalee _has_ to hear this."

"Shut up!" Kanda hissed, coloring slightly.

"Wait," Lavi finally sat up, looking up with a grin. "Is he over there because he's nervous about us? Oh, that's cute."

 _He's over there because we don't even talk,_ Kanda thought but resolutely did not say. If he did, Lavi would think it was because Kanda was nervous, and that would be wrong. Lavi wouldn't understand. So he snapped his mouth shut and settled for glaring.

Lavi laughed, and then stopped abruptly. "Poor kid, he's probably lonely. Here, I'll tell him it's okay to join us!"

And for some reason, the _wait, stop, don't you dare go over there you idiot!_ died in Kanda's mouth and he could only watch as Lavi skipped across the way. He was so focused he forgot the cigarette in his hand until it nearly burned him.

With a muted curse he shook his fingers out, dropping the filter. When he glanced back up Lavi had already coaxed the boy halfway across the plain and _holy shit I'm not ready for this._

The boy was red in the face, shiny, like the cold wind had bit at the skin across his cheeks on nose. He was also wearing the maroon shirt Kanda had first seen him in. The one tight around the waist. Kanda pressed his lips firmly together.

Already Lavi was chatting a thousand words a second at the boy, cheerfully taking him by the arm as he gestured wildly at Kanda. "-don't have to be so nervous! We don't bite, do we, Kanda?"

Kanda scowled down at his feet.

The boy was all wide eyed and startled, looking from Lavi to Kanda and back. "Kanda?" He asked, testing the word.

Lavi, brainless as Kanda often claimed he was, wasn't actually all that stupid. At least, Kanda thought bitterly, not stupid enough to not make connections.

"'Kanda?' What do you mean - oh. _Oh."_

Shit, Kanda thought.

"You two - you two haven't met? Did I just drag you all the way here?" Lavi asked, lips trembling with laughter Kanda knew was at his expense. "Oh my God, Kanda, you - you're actually adorable for once."

"Shut the fuck up!" Kanda snapped.

Lavi laughed for a moment before controlling himself. "Well, I guess introductions are in order, then? Jesus, I can't believe this - right. So, this is Allen Walker. Allen, this is Kanda Yuu."

Allen. _Allen._ That was his name.

"Nice to meet you," Allen said, and Kanda stared down at his outstretched hand long enough for Allen to drop it. "Rude as ever."

Kanda snorted. "Like I give a fuck," he said hotly. Allen turned his nose up. _What a priss._

Lavi hovered between them momentarily, lost as he glanced around. It was his own fault for dragging the kid over.

"Uh, right, I should go check to see what Lenalee is doing. Be right back guys!" Lavi threw Kanda a hesitant grin before booking it, and Kanda was moments away from ripping his boot off and chunking it at the back of Lavi's head when Allen shuffled in place.

Glancing at him wearily, Allen offered a tentative smile. "You have nice friends," he said, watching Lavi run away.

"They're assholes," Kanda said bluntly, and Allen scowled. Before he could remark however, Kanda frowned, standing abruptly. Allen stumbled back, alarmed, but Kanda was already reaching forward and tugging at Allen's neckline.

There, pretty in pink and purple, was a ring of bruises.

Shocked, Kanda let Allen slap his hand away, the vivid contrast still lingering even as Allen readjusted his collar.

"What...?" Kanda couldn't look away.

 _"None of your business!"_ Allen snapped, and Kanda reared back, alarmed. The first meeting, so long ago - two, three, four weeks? - came back vividly, and Kanda felt the bitter nostalgia weigh heavy on him.

"What the hell was that?" He demanded, stepping forward to look again. Allen took two steps back, and then another, eyes flashing.

"None," Allen began again, smiling hugely, angrily. "Of your _damn business._ Sound familiar?"

Kanda's hands grasped at his sides, clenching and un-clenching. He wanted to say something, to snap back, to be rude and ugly and mean like he always was, but those bruises, so prominent on Allen's pale skin, reared in his mind's eye and he couldn't.

Allen laughed unkindly. "Don't pity me," he sneered. "Don't look at me like that. Don't - fuck it. I'm leaving. Tell your friend is was nice meeting him, and _fuck you."_

Stunned, Kanda watched as Allen whirled around, stalking back to his own bench and grabbing his bag. Allen never looked back at him, not even a single sly glance, and for some unfathomable reason Kanda was angry, pissed even.

"Fuck," Kanda said, looking at his shoes. Tiedoll had bought them - seventy dollars, he thought. The price hadn't mattered to him then, he couldn't even remember the exact number now. He thought of Allen's maroon shirt and too big jacket that swallowed him, of his red cheeks and nose and ears.

"Fuck," he said again, for lack of anything else. Grabbing his own bag, he abruptly left.

* * *

 **A/N:** Originally written with the thought of Kanda falling for Allen first, since I've seen it written the other way around one too many times, but then it kind of evolved and became a whole fic. Oh well.

Posted on AO3 as well. I forget to post here haha.


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